Looking back over the year of 2015, there is a lot that has happened that I didn't see coming. Some of it good and some bad, but lately I find it difficult to see a lot of the good among the bad. Even more frustrating, I feel lately like every time I get a little ahead of the game, something happens to pull me back or shut me down.
Right now, the biggest thing pulling me down is debt. We have a few credit cards, but probably not more than the average American our age.We can make all of our payments, but we are just spinning wheels trying to get ahead. The easiest thing for us to do would be to consolidate our loans to make paying them off easier. I know this is the path we should take, but getting there is so difficult! Also, husband is trying to get into an academic program that is ridiculously competitive and I am trying to help him (with what little time I have). Recently, we hit a road block there because of some government loophole that prevents his loans from satisfying his tuition payment for the past semester. That proved to be a huge frustration and it is difficult for me to let it go.
The holidays loom before us and all I want to do is forget for a few days about all the crap we have going on and just relax. I do not think there is anything more we can do between now and the end of the holidays anyway. I do not want these disparaging thoughts to ruin my Christmas cheer! I guess what I need to do is to just accept that things are the way they are and that no amount of worrying is going to change things. Furthermore, I will just stress myself out by thinking of these things more over the holidays. This is the first time ever that I have felt this helplessly stressed around the holiday season. Usually, I am immune to holiday stress and it just slips over my head. This year, I feel as if I am drowning. I am tired of feeling this way. I think my goal for 2016 is going to be to get a better handle on things financially in my life. I want to turn those things that are just out of my reach into something that is achievable. I think I can do this, but I am going to need some help.Time to focus on how I can help myself get to where I want to be and who in my life can help me on my journey.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Thursday, September 24, 2015
That used to be me
My family has always been close. When I was young, we joined frequently for cook outs, birthday parties and other family functions. I do not have a very large family, but my aunts, uncles and cousins came together and bonded over food, drink and laughter. My cousins and I frequently played together outside; egg hunts, baseball, soccer; any excuse to be active together and enjoy the sunshine.
Six years ago, I made the decision to move from northeastern to southwestern Ohio. It may not sound like a very far move, but it took me hours away from my family. At the time I made the decision, I actually knew more people in southern Ohio than I did up north. All of my friends had moved away or lost touch, and though I did have my family, it was not enough to tempt me to stay. I followed my fiance down south and we started our life together.
Although my family is now far away, we live a short drive from my husband's parents and brother, so we still have a family network of sorts. I also have a very good relationship with my in-law, so that helps to fill the family gap I left behind.
It is one thing to see a person every day or week, and an entirely different notion to keep in contact by phone or email. I still have weekly phone conversations with my mom, but it is not the same as seeing her. My brothers and I were never terribly close, and they both now live out of state. We talk sporadically, but I doubt we will ever be close friends. They both have too much in common with each other and not enough in common with me. My mother is now my connection to family events. If someone gets hurt, pregnant, engaged or has any other noteworthy event; she keeps me informed. Without her, I am not sure I would ever know much of anything that went on up north.
I have six cousins. Of those six, three are older than me and three are younger; I am the exact middle cousin. All of my cousins who are older now have children of their own. In fact, there is now this entire new generation of people; eight of them! In the years since I have moved, the biggest news has centered around my older cousins having babies and our family growing because of it.
I do get to travel up north to see my family a few times each year. These visits usually center around a holiday of sorts or some sort of major life event that calls us all to each others presence. A few years ago, some family members decided that we need an excuse to see each other at a time that is not holiday-bound. My parents hosted the first Gathering in late September that year. That was two years ago, and it was such a success that my mom has faithfully organized it again each year since.
This weekend will be the third Gathering up at my parents house. When we go up there, it feels like a mini vacation. I get to see people I normally don't, forget the rush of my life in southern Ohio, and take life at a slower pace than I typically do. Nowadays, all the cousins gather together. We embrace, we eat, we drink wine and we laugh together about when we were younger. All of a sudden, we are the adults. When did this happen? I see my younger cousins running in the yard, playing with toys and getting muddied knees from backyard sports and I think to myself; that used to be me.
Six years ago, I made the decision to move from northeastern to southwestern Ohio. It may not sound like a very far move, but it took me hours away from my family. At the time I made the decision, I actually knew more people in southern Ohio than I did up north. All of my friends had moved away or lost touch, and though I did have my family, it was not enough to tempt me to stay. I followed my fiance down south and we started our life together.
Although my family is now far away, we live a short drive from my husband's parents and brother, so we still have a family network of sorts. I also have a very good relationship with my in-law, so that helps to fill the family gap I left behind.
It is one thing to see a person every day or week, and an entirely different notion to keep in contact by phone or email. I still have weekly phone conversations with my mom, but it is not the same as seeing her. My brothers and I were never terribly close, and they both now live out of state. We talk sporadically, but I doubt we will ever be close friends. They both have too much in common with each other and not enough in common with me. My mother is now my connection to family events. If someone gets hurt, pregnant, engaged or has any other noteworthy event; she keeps me informed. Without her, I am not sure I would ever know much of anything that went on up north.
I have six cousins. Of those six, three are older than me and three are younger; I am the exact middle cousin. All of my cousins who are older now have children of their own. In fact, there is now this entire new generation of people; eight of them! In the years since I have moved, the biggest news has centered around my older cousins having babies and our family growing because of it.
I do get to travel up north to see my family a few times each year. These visits usually center around a holiday of sorts or some sort of major life event that calls us all to each others presence. A few years ago, some family members decided that we need an excuse to see each other at a time that is not holiday-bound. My parents hosted the first Gathering in late September that year. That was two years ago, and it was such a success that my mom has faithfully organized it again each year since.
This weekend will be the third Gathering up at my parents house. When we go up there, it feels like a mini vacation. I get to see people I normally don't, forget the rush of my life in southern Ohio, and take life at a slower pace than I typically do. Nowadays, all the cousins gather together. We embrace, we eat, we drink wine and we laugh together about when we were younger. All of a sudden, we are the adults. When did this happen? I see my younger cousins running in the yard, playing with toys and getting muddied knees from backyard sports and I think to myself; that used to be me.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)